I’m marrying a man who has no desire to sleep with me

I’m marrying a man who has no desire to sleep with me and I don’t know what to do (Picture: Getty Images/PhotoAlto)
Sarah*, 32, has been with her fiance for four years and they are meant to be getting married this autumn.

But, there’s a fairly fundamental part of their relationship missing. Intimacy.

‘I’m struggling and need advice,’ Sarah said. ‘I’m a very sexually expressive person, who loves fun, spontaneous, and kinky intimate interactions.

‘It’s a part of who I am and how I express myself. Most people wouldn’t know this meeting me – like a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets.

 

‘Well, I’ve had to give up all that with my fiance.’

For many people, sex goes hand-in-hand with an intimate relationship, especially if you’re about to be husband and wife, although this isn’t the case for Sarah.

Sarah is a very sexual person and her husband-to-be is not
Sarah is a very sexual person and her husband-to-be is not (Picture: Getty Images)
‘He has a fear of intimacy, no desire for it, performance problems and so on,’ she explained on Reddit.

‘He… doesn’t even masturbate or watch porn as much, as I encourage him to, so he can figure out what he likes.

‘It’s been the core of our relationship issues since we started dating.’

Despite the lack of intimacy being a major issue for Sarah she hasn’t wanted to ‘give him up’ because she loves ‘absolutely everything’ about her husband-to-be.

She loves his ‘kind soul, big heart’ and his work ethic, but now the wedding is nearing, Sarah has realised she’s lost a part of who she is.

‘I’ve sacrificed a part of who I am for years. I thought maybe after a year or two it would subside, but it hasn’t,’ she said.

‘We go three to eight months without being intimate and it’s hurting me so bad.

‘We’ve tried therapy, medication, scheduled times, everything but nothing works.’

She branded her husband ‘vanilla’, and wrote: ‘When we get the opportunity it’s like we just get it done, quick in missionary, before it goes away for him, which I’m happy to do to make him happy and confident.’

‘He even admits he’s vanilla. Since we started dating I first asked him about swinging, because that’s my kink level and that was shot down.

‘I’m just at the point where I don’t know what to do anymore and it’s affecting me so much emotionally and physically.’